Have you ever thought about the man in the tower
Who opens that bridge every half an hour on the hour
All that time locked in that box
With just the tickin’ and the tockin’ of the clock
What you think he do all day
I heard that that dude’s real strange
Jamey said he’s a robot
Uh no but I’m pretty sure I’ve seen him sneeze
Well if he ain’t a robot he’s sweatin’ his ass off
It must be 200 degrees
Now what you heard
What you heard
My mother said since she was a kid
He’s never left his post
Never seen him eat, never seen him on the street
Yeah, she swears that he is a ghost
But Suzy B’s cousin says he eats a dozen Door County cherry pies
Every day with his lunch now he weighs too much
And he’s stuck inside
Well Officer Chad that’s Tad’s dad says that down at the station
The story goes he actually chose this as his incarceration
Cuz once upon a time he lost his mind
When he caught another man with his wife
Could’ve handled it better and now he’ll forever
Be up there the rest of his life
Now what you heard
What you heard
My brother Larry heard from Sherry he chopped up that guy with an axe
When they chained him to the desk his only request
Was don’t take my alto sax
Now what you heard
What you heard
That can’t be true
Uh, uh
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